Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own
by martusia
Summary: It's not what newly weds do. They don't die. They don't die alone. If they die, they do it together, in car accidents, in plane crushes, but they don't die alone. A/I


Title: Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own  
Rating: PG-13  
Pairing: A/I  
Summary: It's not what newly weds do. They don't die. They don't die alone. If they die, they do it together, in car accidents, in plane crushes, but they don't die alone.  
Status: One-shot; complete  
Disclaimer: Lyrics belong to ever so great U2. Grey's Anatomy characters belong to Shonda, of course!  
Author notes: Okay, I'm not pretty sure as it's going to be my first GA fic let alone Alex/Izzie fic. I hope I'll fulfill the expectations. It may be hard. Post finale, I hope not that AU. And, well, I have to dedicate this story to Marie, who did outstanding job betareading this story (and, well, standing it).  
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"_Tough,__  
__you think you've got the stuff_"

Helplessness was one of few feelings Alex Karev truly hated, as being a figher, a _lone_ fighter especially, he had to admit his emotions depended on someone he cared about that much to feel he had done everything and yet it wasn't enough. He never gave up and was never able to give up on someone, not that he got easily attached to people. He, himself, would never admit he was attached to anyone, but now, seeing him crying, desperately wanting, _needing_ to do anything, no-one would believe him.

"_You're telling me and anyone__  
__You're hard enough_"

He was a man, for God's sake! He shouldn't be crying, him especially, he had been through that much in his childhood. Seeing his father irrationally beating his mother, hearing her crying herself to sleep each and every night, he thought he'd seen enough to stand anything. Yet this was too hard to bear, as it wasn't about seeing the pain, but _feeling_ it. He was always able to build a wall between him and whoever he would stick with to avoid unnecessarily tearful situations. It's not that he wasn't emotional, he just wanted to avoid issues he wouldn't be able to deal with but he eventually had no other option, he learned it was too much. With all that happened, he couldn't just walk away and pretend he didn't care, hell, he didn't even want to. It's not what husbands do.  
"Don't you give up, Iz. Just... don't"

"_You don't have to put up a fight__  
__You don't have to always be right__  
__Let me take some of the punches__  
__For you tonight_"

If he had been told a year ago that he would want to sacrifice anything for one girl he would have laughed. His disability in settling down was almost legendary, as he gained a reputation at Seattle Grace Hospital nearly as bad as Mark, hell, they even slept with the same woman. He got along with people, girls especially, easily, thus he never expected to find anyone who would make him give up the life he was good at. He would never think someone could have that influence on his thoughts, actions and emotions. He never even supposed he would fall for someone that hard. When they met, he promised himself he wouldn't adjust to anything even for her, but in time it struck him, he couldn't hurt her anymore. Those eyes where what he couldn't resist. And there she was, not being able to breathe let alone move, struggling to live. His _everything_.

"_Listen to me now__  
__I need to let you know__  
__You don't have to go it alone_"

As he whispered words to her only for his own reassurance and watched Cristina, the Chief and Bailey trying to bring her back to life, he slowly began to understand how she felt when Denny died. Deep down he knew, but for him, she either wouldn't have been able to recover or she would have stuck with George. He wondered who would be his rock if... She won't die. She just won't. Giving up is not what she does, never. He wouldn't let her give up, _he_ couldn't let her go just like that. He would even fight _for_ her if he had to

"_And it's you when I look in the mirror__  
__And it's you when I don't pick up the phone__  
__Sometimes you can't make it on your own_"

Fear. It scared him to death. Fear that she wasn't going to wake up. Fear that she had died right in his arms a minute a ago. He just knew he wouldn't be able to come back to his old life, screwing every girl he met, without getting attached in any way. Like he could forget his everything after he gave up _everything_ for her. He didn't know any other way of dealing with a problem than forgetting it: the easiest and the quickest one. He never got hurt, he never cared. And now those two things were all he felt. He wished his love was enough to bring her back, but he wasn't sure anymore. All she had left him with was faith. Stupid, childish, "everything's going to be ok" faith, which made him only weaker, as it came with the realisation of more helplessness.

"_We fight all the time__  
__You and I, that's alright__  
__We're the same soul_"

He was a liar. He had to admit that he was a liar, when he told her that together, no matter what happens, he'll be ready. He wasn't ready for her to go away, to leave him so selfishly and urgently. He wasn't ready to let her do this after one day of marriage, thus he felt like a complete liar. The thing is, for a while again it wasn't together. She was there, but didn't exist, they all needed her to come back and he was left behind, all alone, looking for a reason why they would become apart. Maybe, the glimmer went through his head, maybe it was a punishment for all that he'd done, for not being good enough for her.

"_I don't need, I don't need to hear you say__  
__That if we weren't so alike__  
__You'd like me a whole lot more_"

Because there were certainly things he should've been punished for. Being an ass makes first on the list and maybe the only one but, oh, how many troubles it had caused. If he hadn't been so self-centred he'd have probably seen she was always there for him, patiently waiting for him to notice that. At first, he desperately wanted her to be meaningless, like every girl he had been with. When he cheated on her he didn't care whether she would hate him. He didn't care about pretty much anything concerning her until Denny died. Then it had struck him hard how much he couldn't see her crying. He knew then he cared too much to let her lie there alone, hardly aware of what's happening. Since then he was only stupid to not know how much he loved her. He was afraid of hurting both her and himself. So maybe it was really a punishment for all that he did and all that he didn't do.

"_Listen to me now__  
__I need to let you know__  
__You don't have to go it alone_"

He let his head drop as he slid down the wall bringing knees to his chin. She was leaving him alone. He knew that he would be the one left with nobody, as she would be happy somewhere there with Denny. She claimed he was the love of her life and yet, she was leaving him behind. Signing this damn DNR they finally ignored made him rethink what was it all about. And he knew, she was letting herself go. So it had been settled, the first time he sacrificed anything for someone would be the last. Damn, he wished it was him who decided if she lives or dies. He could do that, right? He was her husband, he _should_ be able to convince her enough to make her stay.  
"Damn, Iz!"

"_And it's you when I look in the mirror__  
__And it's you that makes it hard to let go__  
__Sometimes you can't make it on your own_"

"Clear!"  
He buried his head in his hands, as he was begging her to stay, to not abandon him so meaninglessly. He changed for her, he committed for her, he practically lived for her, it wasn't about him anymore. It's not what newly weds do. They don't die. They don't die alone. If they die, they do it together, in car accidents, in plane crushes, but they don't die alone. They either live together or die together. It wasn't supposed to be like this. They were meant to be.  
It was right then, that he saw the line was no longer flat.

"_Sometimes you can't make it__  
__The best you can do is to fake it_"

"We've got her back."  
Bailey's soft voice has never been that exhausted and emotional. It was ridiculous. Suddenly, as he stood by her, he wanted to live with her, sleep with her everyday, have a bunch of children with her. He knew he should feel like he was less a man, but right now he felt more like him and he was helpless about that. Only that was helplessness he could stand, as he could stand anything, when she was with him. Simple as that.  
"Look like we're going to live together for a bit longer."  
He whispered through his tears sinking in her brown eyes he hadn't seen only for a while but missed more than anything. She smiled lightly, a bit powerlessly, but he found in that smile everything he needed.  
"I wouldn't die without you."

"_Sometimes you can't make it on your own_"


End file.
